What Davenport hasn’t told them, but what he hopes they have deduced, the seven of them standing buffed and burnished and bright-eyed in front of the ogling press-conference crowd, is that they are expendable.
The IPRE propaganda hails them as the best and brightest, the proverbial cream of the crop, as it were. Their young, human chronicler and bodyguard, both of them fresh-faced and prodigious. Their kindly dwarven medic with an affinity for flora, and their bumbling middle-aged necromancer. The mysterious, gorgeous twins, sharp-tongued and magically gifted, who pulled themselves out of poverty and obscurity by the tips of their elven ears and the straps of their high-heeled boots. And their captain- the ace pilot, the celebrated military tactician, the IPRE commander. The one to lead their two-sunned world into the glory of the oncoming Inter-Planar Age.
This is what the propaganda says. Davenport knows better.
‘Star Trek: Voyager’ Gothic
- You’ve been on this tiny ship in the Delta Quadrant beyond any hope of recrew or resupply for over a year, but you keep seeing ensigns you don’t recognise. Everyone tells you that they’ve always been here
- You go down to Engineering looking for Lt. Carey. B'elanna tells you that he’s just stepped out. He’s been ‘just stepped out’ for days.
- A shuttle crashes on a desert planet. You speak with Chakotay about the possibility of trading for some new shuttles, but he looks at you funny and says “but we already have a full compliment of shuttles”
- You run to the shuttlebay and inspect them personally. There is a full compliment of shuttles. And none of them even have a scratch.
- The next week, a shuttle is torn to pieces in a plasma storm. You’re not even surprised when you find intact it in the shuttlebay an hour later.
- You stop mentioning shuttles.
- The ship has an encounter with some Kazon, but manages to get away. Their ships are primitive and slow and you shouldn’t run into them again.
- Two weeks later, you meet the same Kazon, now somehow in front of you. You begin to suspect that you’re driving in circles
- You go to Engineering looking for Lt. Carey. You haven’t seen him in two years. He’s ‘not there right now, but should be back in a minute’.
- Janeway and Paris travel at warp 10 and turn into salamanders. You’re *sure* that it happened. You *remember* it happening! But no one brings it up. When you ask Tom about it, he doesn’t even register the question.
- You scream “BUT YOU WERE A SALAMANDER!” into his ear. He doesn’t even hear you.
- You see another Ensign you don’t recognise. You finslly just ask the computer for the crew compliment of Voyager. You are told that the answer is: 121.
- A month later, the Hirogen conquer the ship, spend weeks brainwashing and surgically altering the crew into believing that they are actually characters in holographic simulations, and then hunt them for sport. This culminates in a pitched battle between the crew and the Hirogen in which the ship is utterly wrecked and dozens of people are killed.
- Afterwards, you ask the computer for the ship’s crew compliment. You are told that the answer is: 147
- The next day, you wake up and find Voyager restored to its original state.
- You make a discreet inquiry about Lt. Carey. Now everyone acts like he’s dead but can’t tell you precisely when or how.
- The Captain takes you aside one day and specifically instructs you not to mention Ensign Jetal to the Doctor. She says that she knows that this will be difficult, given how close we all were to her (and you in particular), but that for the greater good of the crew, you need to act like Ensign Jetal never existed. You solemnly nod your head and consent, and she gives you a comradely pat on the shoulder and leaves the room.
- You have absolutely no idea who Ensign Jetal is.
- Voyager absorbs the remaining crew of the USS Equinox. Well at least you’ll finally have an explanation for the new crew you see around the ship! You never see any of them ever again.
- You’ve now travelled almost 40,000 light years towards home. You check the star charts; somehow, you’re still in the Delta Quadrant. You begin to wonder if the Beta Quadrant even exists.
- The Delta Flyer is destroyed by Borg torpedos. You don’t even bother to check the shuttlebay for it, you just instinctively know that it will be back
- A few months later, the Captain gives you the sad news: Lt. Carey is dead.
- You finally make it back to the Alpha Quadrant, say your tearful farewells, and receive a handshake and a promotion from Admiral Paris. As one last thought before leaving Voyager forever, you pay a visit to the shuttlebay. You find it utterly empty, except for one lowly crewman with a mop and pail, swabbing the deck. “I…guess that Starfleet must have already cleared out the remaining shuttles?” You say uncertainly, your voice echoing in the cavernous, empty room. The crewman breaks off his mopping and looks at you like you’ve lost your mind and says: “Voyager never had any shuttles.”
This is amazing
Sometimes I just sit and think about how Aziraphale and Crowley spent several years giving some ordinary human kid THE weirdest possible upbringing of all time.
uhhhhhhh fic of Warlock as an adult where he mentions things offhandedly in therapy sometimes and his therapist is EXTREMELYY???????? CONFUSED????????????
Warlock: Yeah, when I was a kid it always seemed like the adults around me were trying to use me for their own reasons. My Dad had his Super Macho, American Man thing he was trying to project on me and I think Mom was trying to use me to get back at him in some way because she felt neglected…
Therapist: That sounds frustrating.
Warlock: God, you have no idea. And then there was my Nanny and the gardener.
Therapist: Did you have close relationships with them?
Warlock: Yeah, I loved them, but it was always “Warlock, you must love and respect all of God’s creatures and only use your power for good, don’t listen to Nanny, blah blah” and then Nanny would be all “Warlock, all creatures exist only to be ground under your heel, all the powers of Hell are at your disposal”.
Therapist: …
Warlock: I caught them making out in the pantry once, it was really jarring.
Marvel directors: Even when actors like Chris Evans do their own stunts, we make sure they’re VERY wired in and rehearse a lot before filming. We also add dangerous weapons in in post so there’s no chance of danger, even with a prop. :)
Good Omens directors: We’re making David Tennant DRIVE A FLAMING CAR and IF HE DIES, HE DIES
